


A Choice We Make

by Ysabetwordsmith



Series: Polychrome Heroics [4]
Category: Polychrome Heroics
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Gift Fic, Holidays, Prison, Ugly Holiday Sweaters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:02:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26229136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysabetwordsmith/pseuds/Ysabetwordsmith
Summary: Graham likes outrageous sweaters.
Series: Polychrome Heroics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/176663
Kudos: 2
Collections: August Intimacy 2020





	A Choice We Make

**Author's Note:**

> This poem is spillover from the July 7, 2020 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by a prompt from DW user Ari_the_dodecahedron. It fills the "Aggressively Festive Holiday Sweater" square in my 7-1-20 card for the Winterfest in July Bingo fest. It also fits:
> 
> [Five Moments of Intimacy](https://www.pillowfort.social/posts/1439153)  
> Physical: Clothing/grooming  
> Secret Sharing: Abuse, trauma, or trigger  
> Experiential: Protect the vulnerable  
> Emotional: Shared fear or anxieties  
> Vulnerability: Reveal artistic endeavor
> 
> This poem has been sponsored by a pool with DW users fuzzyred, Technoshaman, and Mama_kestrel. It belongs to the Shiv thread of the [Polychrome Heroics](http://penultimateproductions.weebly.com/polychrome-heroics.html) series.

**[Monday, December 21, 2015]**

"Hey, Dr. G, do you have a moment?"  
Travis trotted up behind him.

"Sure, what can I do for you?"  
Dr. G said as he slowed down.

"Does this make any sense to you?"  
Travis said, holding out a bundle  
of green cloth. "Shiv sent me it."

Dr. G unfolded it to reveal a T-shirt  
that showed a unicorn farting a rainbow.

He frowned for a moment, puzzling  
it out, then began to chuckle. "This   
is Shiv's idea of a compliment,"   
Dr. G explained. "In his mind,   
an honest man is like a unicorn."

"Oh. I guess that makes ...  
Shiv sense," Travis said,  
carefully refolding his T-shirt.

Then he handed Dr. G   
another package, this one  
wrapped in holiday paper.

"Some of us have been, uh,  
going through the donations  
to pull out things that remind   
us of you," Travis said.

Dr. G unwrapped it to find  
a sweater striped in ivory,   
blue, black, and gray.  
"Thank you, it's lovely."

"I know it's not as loud as  
you usually like, but the texture  
seemed right," Travis said.

The sweater was ribbed,   
and in the ivory part, dark lines  
showed in the valleys. Touching it,  
Dr. G found that it was faintly fuzzy,  
made of some chenille yarn.

"Oh yes," he said. "My kids  
and clients will love this."

He had found that wearing  
textured sweaters helped  
people with tactile needs,  
as well as the colors giving  
a way to break the ice with  
jokes about how he looked.

As they walked past a bank of  
windows, the weather broke,  
throwing a sudden squall  
of snow against the glass.

"Fudge," muttered Travis.  
"I do not look forward   
to going out in that."

"Look on the bright side,"  
said Dr. G. "We don't have  
to go out in it right now. I   
have a new sweater, and  
you have a new T-shirt that  
you can layer under yours.  
Besides, I don't get to see  
snow very often at home."

"How can you be so cheerful  
all the time?" Travis said. "You've  
got a job even harder than mine."

"It's something I learned in college,"  
said Dr. G. "I had been working on  
some major personal stuff for my degree,  
which overloaded me for a while, and that  
made it hard to bounce back. At that time,  
a snow day was more than I could handle.  
My advisor gave me some good advice  
that's stuck with me ever since."

"What's that?" Travis wondered.

"Happiness is a choice we make,"  
said Dr. G. "You can wake up and say,   
'Oh, I can't believe it's so cold,' or you can   
say, 'Oh, wow, this is a great opportunity   
for me to try out my new sweater.' No one   
can be consistently positive, but why not   
make the choice that makes you feel better   
rather than the one that drags you down?"

"Huh," Travis said. "I hadn't thought  
of it like that before. Does it work?"

"It does for most people," said Dr. G.  
"Some people have biochemical issues  
or other conditions that limit or prevent  
happiness, but usually it's something  
we can influence through wise actions.  
Happiness skills are like fitness skills,  
using them moves you toward a goal."

Travis shook his head. "I dunno,   
doc, I took a job with lots of walking   
in it, but I still got a beer belly."

"The question isn't whether you  
are perfectly thin and fit, Travis, but  
whether you are thinner and fitter now   
than before this job," said Dr. G.

"Well, yeah," said Travis. "I've  
walked off some pounds here."

"Then you're making progress   
and should feel proud of yourself,"  
said Dr. G. "Happiness is like that --  
a journey, not a destination."

They made their way to   
the social room, where Travis  
let Dr. G in to mix with the inmates.

The room was crowded today, but   
it was designed with little clusters of  
furniture so the guys could chat  
without tripping over each other.

Dr. G drifted through the room,  
smiling and shaking hands. He'd  
been coming here long enough   
that most of the inmates knew him,  
even if they didn't come to therapy.

Alejándro sidled up to him, offering  
a package covered in curly ribbons.

Dr. G opened it and shook out  
a sweater that was primarily pink   
and purple but accented with bits of  
blue, orange, and ivory. The design  
included zig-zags, southwest medallions,  
and something that might have been  
either stars or snowflakes.

"That's nice and memorable,"  
said Dr. G. "It'll sure stand out on  
a cloudy day." Then he pretended  
to frown. "I don't know, though --  
it might match blue jeans."

Alejándro laughed. "You  
could always wear it with  
brown pants instead."

"That I could," said Dr. G.  
He noticed the subtle tension  
around the other man's mouth.  
"Is something bothering you?"

"I heard that you helped bust up  
the shorteyes at St. Maria's,"  
Alejándro said, looking away.

"That's true," said Dr. G, watching   
him carefully. Alejándro had tattoos   
from the Ñeta gang and shared  
their general loathing of abusers.   
"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Maybe ... later," Alejándro said.

"Whenever you're ready,"  
said Dr. G. "You know,  
whether something bad  
happened to you or someone   
you care about, you are not alone."

"Yeah, but even one is too many,"  
Alejándro said, nibbling his lip.

"Yes, of course," said Dr. G.  
"I can promise you, however,  
that those particular shorteyes  
won't be doing any _more_ of that." 

"Thanks, doc," Alejándro said as  
he glided away. "That helps a little."

Tremon took Alejándro's place.  
"Thought you might like this,"  
he said, holding out a box.

This one wasn't wrapped,  
so Dr. G simply lifted the lid off.

The sweater inside was an odd shade  
of blue-gray that immediately made him  
wonder if Halley would like it. The design  
was worked in a vivid shade of melon  
mostly outlined in black, all swirls   
and dots and ragged stars.

"How energetic!" Dr. G said,  
smiling as he opened it up.  
"Thank you very much, Tremon."

The other inmates laughed.  
"It suits you!" someone hollered.

"It just looked trippy, you know?"  
said Tremon. "It reminded me   
of how you can take a mess of  
ideas and sort them out into  
something that makes sense."

"Ah. That is rather my job,  
isn't it?" Dr. G replied.

Tremon gave him   
a sidelong glance.  
"Yeah, well ... I thought  
you might like to know that   
you kind of inspired me."

"That's always good to hear,"  
Dr. G said. "Do you have   
a goal or an accomplishment  
that you'd like to share?"

"I uh, got my Narcan cert,"  
said Tremon. "I'm working on  
Advanced First Aid now, but   
I think that I better pick up  
Emotional First Aid before I  
try the EMT Basic class."

"That's an excellent plan,"  
said Dr. G. "You must have  
worked hard for that. I'm  
happy that I could help."

"You and Dr. Bloch put   
the idea in my head,"  
said Tremon. "I wanted  
a backup plan, a way  
to protect the vulnerable  
if things go wrong, but then  
it just kind of ... grew on me."

"That can happen," said Dr. G.  
"I didn't start out with a goal  
of soup care, after all."

"Yeah, but you didn't  
start out a crook, either,"  
Tremon muttered.

"I've had challenges, but   
blessings too," said Dr. G.  
"We play the cards we're dealt."

"Guess I just wanted to say ...  
thanks for playing with me,"  
Tremon replied. "Most people  
don't want anything to do with us."

"Most people see mistakes,  
not opportunities," said Dr. G.  
"I try to keep an open mind."

Because if he didn't, then  
he'd miss the best things in  
life just because they came  
in a scruffy box instead of  
fancy wrapping paper.

Then Wade waved him over.

This package was wrapped  
as neatly as if it had come  
from a gift counter at a store,  
complete with bow of gold string.

Inside, the sweater was argyle,  
black with a pattern of gray and ivory  
accented with pink and purple diamonds.

"The colors caught my eye," Wade said,  
"but it's more your size than mine.  
I hope that you like it. At least  
I know you're bookish too."

"I am that," said Dr. G.  
"It's quite charming, and I'll  
be happy to wear it while  
I'm reading by the fire."

"I miss that," Wade said.  
"Reading by the fire, and ...  
other things. Sometimes I  
wonder if I will ever get   
my life back. It's hard."

"Everyone feels anxious  
sometimes," said Dr. G. "I've  
felt that way with every new baby."

Wade pulled back, glaring at him.  
"That's not the same!" he said.

"Of course not," said Dr. G.  
"The type of disruption in life is   
totally different. But the _feeling_  
is the same, the sense of being  
overwhelmed, of wanting to get  
your life back. Children make  
a madhouse out of everything,  
no matter how much I love them."

"Even the latecomer?" Wade said,  
giving him a canny look. He'd been  
familiar with Shiv in prison, even  
though Shiv laid no claim to friends.

"Especially the latecomer," said Dr. G.  
"But I wouldn't trade him for the world."

"Dunno if I'll ever have kids,"  
Wade said softly. "I'm pansexual,  
not gay, but Miquon is another guy."

"That's up to you," said Dr. G.  
"For a while, I wasn't sure whether  
my wife and I could have children,  
so we did some research. There are  
many options beyond the most common.  
If you want resources, just ask me."

"Maybe someday," Wade said.   
"I'd probably just make a mess of it."

"I doubt that," said Dr. G. "If you're  
feeling insecure, though, you can take  
concrete steps to address that. Why  
don't you talk to Ambrose? He has  
modules on everything from confidence  
to relationships to parenting skills."

"I hadn't thought of asking him,  
'cause he's, you know, not into that,"  
Wade said. "Didn't want to be a bother."

"You are not a bother, and Ambrose  
enjoys helping people," said Dr. G. "I'm   
sure he'll refer you to someone else  
if a topic makes him uncomfortable or   
he doesn't feel qualified. I could cover  
this myself, but he's here every day."

"I'll ask him," Wade decided. "Time  
to put some bottom rungs on the ladder."

"That's the spirit," said Dr. G. "Whatever  
you decide about parenting or life choices,  
those skills will come in handy somewhere."

"Thanks, doc," said Wade. "By the way,  
swing past the infirmary while you're here.  
I think Dr. Bloch has something for you."

"I'll do that," Dr. G promised.

He finished his round of  
the social room, collecting  
holiday wishes and sharing  
news from the outside.

After that, he went to see  
Dr. Bloch in the infirmary.

It wasn't too busy, so  
Dr. G only had to wait  
a few minutes before  
the other man was free.

"What brings you down here?"  
Dr. Bloch said. "Everything okay?"

"It's fine," said Dr. G. "I just heard  
that you might like to see me."

"Ah, yes," said Dr. Bloch.  
"Some of the boys who are  
training to become nurses  
found something that they're  
a little too shy to give in person,  
so they left it to me -- consider  
this from all of us in here."

This gift, too, was wrapped  
neatly in striped paper.

Dr. G opened it, then laughed.  
The red-and-green sweater   
showed one snowman robbing  
another using two blow dryers.

"I can see why they might be  
uncertain whether the humor is  
appropriate, but I love it," Dr. G said.

"They're starting to gain confidence  
now that Warden _Delay_ is out of  
the way," said Dr. G. "It takes   
time, though. I'll let them know  
that you found it funny."

"It's silly and it doesn't   
hurt anyone," said Dr. G.  
"I'm glad that Warden Lincoln  
is having positive effects here.  
I sure find him easier to deal with."

"Warden Lincoln genuinely wants  
to help, like us," said Dr. Bloch. "He's   
been encouraging Everett to expand  
the educational offerings, and he hopes  
to find someone to do more art therapy."

Dr. G shook his head. "Don't look at me.  
I have had one conference on art therapy and   
a week-long training in expressive therapies.  
I am in no way an expert on this topic."

"We don't need an expert, we need  
someone who can reach people,"  
Dr. Bloch said. "You got through  
to Shiv. If you can connect with  
him, you can connect with anyone."

"No money in the budget to hire  
anyone new?" Dr. G asked.

"It's not that," Dr. Bloch said.  
"We have a hard time finding  
people who want to work in  
this kind of environment."

"Ah," said Dr. G. "I can see  
how that would limit your options.  
Are you doing all right here?"

"Yes, I like the challenge,"   
said Dr. Bloch. "I've been  
refining ideas for the diet,  
which is more popular than  
I ever expected it to be."

"Shiv still uses it as inspiration,"  
said Dr. G. "It seems to work."

"Eh, it's as much art as science,"  
Dr. Bloch said. "Sometimes I have  
an inkling of what might fix problems,  
but no clear idea of what _caused_ them.  
That's not fit for a professional writeup."

"Write the program first, and worry  
about documentation afterwards,"  
Dr. G advised. "Just take notes as  
you go along so you don't forget  
what you're doing. Some patterns  
take a lot of data to pin down."

"That's true," said Dr. Bloch.  
"Say hi to Shiv for me? I don't  
dare say it in so many words,  
but I kind of miss the little cuss."

"He misses you too," Dr. G confided.  
"He won't come out and say it either,  
but the sentiment is pretty clear."

"That's good to hear," said Dr. Bloch.

"Well, have you heard anything about  
Shiv's latest art project?" said Dr. G.

"Can't say I have," Dr. Bloch said.  
"I try not to stalk guys after they leave."

"It seems Shiv figured out that billboards  
are something you can _rent,"_ said Dr. G.  
"He started doing that and then, ah, modifying  
the leftover ads on them. Then Halley put him up  
to renting all of the ones that Duke University   
usually rents, and changing their old copy   
to promote various colleges across Italy.  
Shiv calls his movement Slash That Shit."

Dr. Bloch burst out laughing. "That kid!  
He's all piss and vinegar, but he  
sure does have an eye for art."

"Here, I have pictures," Dr. G said,  
taking out his phone. "Halley   
sent copies to everyone --  
including the Italian colleges."

"That must have caused quite  
a stir," Dr. Bloch said as he  
browsed through the images.  
They were quite well done.

"Duke is still screaming about it, but   
they can't do anything more," said Dr. G.   
"Shiv takes particular pleasure in making  
police officers defend him from citizens  
who want to stop him, since he is paying  
for the use of the billboard space."

"That's nicely ironic," Dr. Bloch said.  
"Shiv used to be so shy about art."

"He's still a bit twitchy at times,  
but this is helping a lot," said Dr. G.  
"It's like I told Travis earlier --   
happiness is a choice we make,  
and our boy is finally starting  
to make some good choices."

"Well then," said Dr. Bloch,  
"that's what this is all about."

**Author's Note:**

> "Happiness is a choice we make. You can wake up and say, 'Oh, I can't believe it's so cold,' or you can say, 'Oh, wow, this is a great opportunity for me to try out my new sweater.' No one can be consistently positive, but why not make the choice that makes you feel better rather than the one that drags you down?"  
> \-- [Miranda Kerr](https://www.azquotes.com/quote/654277?ref=sweaters)
> 
> [Happiness is a choice](https://medium.com/illumination/this-is-scientific-proof-that-happiness-is-a-choice-scientific-chemicals-tara-jayasekara-56a5dde40f24); [happiness is not a choice](https://greaterthanillness.com/2019/07/09/problem-saying-happiness-choice/); these two things are equally true. While some people are unable to feel happy no matter what they do, for most people [happiness comes from making choices](https://www.becomingminimalist.com/choose-happy/) that support a cheerful outlook and mood. Here are some [steps toward a happier life](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201801/how-be-happy-23-ways-be-happier). A [mood-boosting diet](https://www.eatthis.com/foods-that-make-you-happy/) also helps.
> 
> See the [Christmas t-shirt](https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/ysabetwordsmith/12884746/664494/664494_900.jpg) that Shiv finds for Travis, who is sure that it means something but can't figure out what. Graham explains about Shiv thinking that an honest man is like a unicorn.
> 
> Graham gets sweaters including [blue and white stripes](https://www.dropbox.com/s/srcyc15u8u56gk5/s-l1600.jpg?dl=0), [pink and purple zig-zags](https://www.picclickimg.com/d/l400/pict/383119892202_/Meister-wool-sweater-M-mens-44-Chest-crew.jpg), [red on gray stars](https://www.dropbox.com/s/z9j74j3zjfxnj4a/s-l1600%20%281%29.jpg?dl=0), [pink and purple argyle](https://www.dropbox.com/s/2j53iek7xyssl8a/4c8e7e5e53f920460.jpg), and [snowman freeze](https://www.ugly-sweaters.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/e2d142084b81.jpg).
> 
> The issue of child-molesting priests at St. Maria's is introduced in "[Scraps](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/12575741.html)."
> 
> The Way Back Program is introduced in "[One Moment of Opportunity](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/11490900.html)" and [its notes](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/11491415.html), followed by a [skill tree](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/11543983.html).
> 
> Dr. G's explorations into art therapy are mentioned in "[Because the Therapist Continues to Grow](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/12241665.html)."


End file.
